INSOMNIA
by Waleed Hussain
“Positively uninviting.”
“You’d think the Crown Cathedral would be classier.”
Two men stood just past the large marble doors leading to the central chamber. The sanctum’s immensity seemed to defy physics. The dome reached up forever, being obscured in darkness before any end could be seen. Hundreds of human statues were carved into the walls, their limbs and bodies twisting upon each other endlessly as they clawed upwards for something unseen. The eyes of each statue glowed with a gentle blue light barely lighting the chamber.
“Remus, wait up!” the younger man called as he followed after the much older man. Remus walked with a cold confidence and calculated steps. His pale eyes locked straight ahead, unwavering and looking for the object of their journey.
“You know, it’s funny to think that after all these years we finally made it back to the city. I’d have thought it would have been a crumbling ruin. But it’s almost like the city has been asleep this whole time too, huh?” The young man spoke with a quick and excited voice. His bright eyes darted around the room taking in every detail.
“You sound a little excited, Weiss,” Remus commented as they pressed deeper into the darkness.
“Why wouldn’t I be? We’re going to end this mess and be heroes. It’s kind of like those stories, isn’t it? A brave hero and his trusty companion overcome many trials and travel across the world to vanquish the evil lord!” Weiss piped back.
“I appreciate the optimism, but we are very much in the dark still,” Remus responded.
“Literally.”
The remainder of the walk passed in silence and eventually from the darkness they could slowly make out the details of a large statue. Its arms spread in a wide sweeping gesture with long marble robes hanging loosely. The form was feminine and disappeared in darkness below the chest. The large stone head was cast down almost as if it was looking at her visitors, but her eyes were shut and a gentle smile curled at the lips.
“Insomnia,” Weiss said in awe.
“Insomnia the Elder, indeed.”
Remus stepped up to the small platform and sat down facing Weiss. Weiss has insisted that the two of them dress in nice clothes for the occasion, but making their way through the city had left their clothes torn and looking far older than they ought to. Remus slowly rolled up the sleeve of his left arm, exposing his scar riddled forearm.
“You sure about this, Remus?” Weiss asked, with a hint of uncertainty.
And for the first time, Remus looked his age. His skin was beginning to wrinkle and gray hairs began to sprout just above his ears. Large black bags had formed under his eyes. The once focused eyes, softened and a sigh broke through Remus’ lips. He was a battered man at journey’s end, one last trial awaiting him. The first he was to face alone.
“Don’t have much of a choice, do I?”
Weiss nodded solemnly and pulled a rusted dagger out of his pocket. He grabbed Remus’ arm and drew blood with a quick cut. Reaching into his pouch with his other hand he pulled out a white patch and pressed it against the wound.
“This should neutralize the Corrus in your blood, meaning you’ll finally be able to go to sleep after these eight years. It’ll take a few minutes for it to kick in. But I guess this is it.” Weiss stepped back from Remus and looked to the side. “Guess you earned your rest, huh?”
“Weiss,” Remus said firmly as he grabbed Weiss by the arm and pulled him to eye level.
“Y-yeah?” his voice choked back.
“This isn’t over.”
“I know that. It’s just that, I hate to see you doing this alone.”
“We have come this far to end the Sleeping Plague, but our stories won’t end today. We will live on as heroes in song and lore. And we will live to hear them.”
Weiss stared back silently. He could see Remus’ eyes growing heavier. They shut for a moment but Remus fought through it and stared at Weiss.
“Tell me that story one more time. That one about that hero who travelled for many years across the world to return to his home. The one where he refused to yield to many temptations along the way and was known for his cunning,” Remus smiled and patted the stone next to him, “come sit here on the grass next to me.”
“You mean the stone, right?” Weiss forced a joke as he sat next to Remus. Weiss gathered his thoughts, he knew that Remus was talking about the great hero and his lengthy return home after the war. Weiss cleared his throat and began to tell the story, as clear as he could from the start. But soon after he uttered his first words, Remus’ limp head fell against his shoulder.
And Weiss cried.
Remus opened his eyes to an unfamiliar sight. He was standing on a lake and thick mist rolled off the surface of the still waters. He looked around and every direction looked the same. Gray. Remus stepped forward cautiously and nothing but ripples formed at his feet. He looked around once more and below him noticed something black and wispy rising upwards rapidly. Quickly he jumped out of the way as a giant mass of corporeal black smoke erupted from the waters below and just as quickly coalesced into a humanoid shape.
Remus was prepared. He knew that the Sleeping Plague would show him his heart’s desires, everything he wanted for in the world. But none of it mattered, because none of it was real. He reached to his belt and pulled out a blunderbuss. The bullets were coated with the blood the Sleepless Kings, the corpses of ancient Elders that once dominated the land.
The face of the humanoid with a porcelain mask, but it morphed into the face of Remus’ mom, and then his father, and brothers, and soon it flickered through all the people lost to the Sleeping Plague.
Remus smirked, as this illusion only reminded him of what he was going to save—not what he would yield to. He pointed the gun and the figure, whose faces kept switching. And before he pulled the trigger the face finally stopped changing and it was Weiss.
The gun shook violently in Remus’ hands as he tried to will himself to pull the trigger, but shooting his only friend and comrade was difficult to come to terms with.
The two stared into each others’ eyes for an eternity before the landscape around them began to morph. From the lake below long stalks of wheat sprouted and a farm house formed in the distance. Outside of it, a mother in a white dress and a father in a wheelchair waited by the doors. The father noticed Weiss and said something to the mother who turns the wheelchair and the two face their son.
Weiss breaks his stare with Remus and begins to walk towards his family. Exposing his back, and giving Remus the perfect opportunity to shoot his friend. Remus stares at the gun and back at Weiss and his family. If the Sleeping Plague rights the wrongs done to Weiss, is it necessarily a bad thing? A real friend would have no qualms making sacrifices for the betterment of their most beloved. So was he to let the Sleeping Plague continue, so that people may find joy in their otherwise unfulfilling lives.
Remus looked down as he lowered the gun, prepared to face away. But he noticed the patch on his arm that Weiss had given him. He hadn’t noticed earlier but on it were scrawled the words, “Come back my friend.” Remus smiled as his eyes began to water. He patted the patch siletnly and pulled the blunderbuss back up as he walked up to Weiss. He pressed the cold barrel against the back of his skull and without a thought pulled the trigger.
The world around Remus shattered into pieces and he found himself back at the lake. From below the black mass rushed up again and he side stepped it effortlessly. But this time the smoke exited without breaking the surface of the lake. The smoke formed together into a sphere and its surface slowly peeled back revealing a single large golden eye.
As Remus reached for his blunderbuss a voice creeped into his mind. The sounds of thousands of voices speaking in unison.
“You are present here with semblance of mind and body per our demands. We are Insomnia, and we have followed your actions to undo this so-called Dream for quite some time. Your actions amuse us, and we summon you as a jester in our royal court to entertain us.”
“I’m not here to entertain. I cam here to end the Plague, and restore the world to order. I don’t have time for these games.” Remus shot back angrily as he whipped the gun out. But before he could pull the trigger thousands of dark tendrils pierced his abdomen spilling gouts of blood into the waters below. Clouding them with a murky red.
The world shattered again and Insomnia stared at a fully healed Remus again. “Entertain us.”
Cold sweat gathered at Remus’ brow. Insomnia was far beyond him, even all the boons of the dead Elders could not stand to face the might of a living Elder. Remus knew that if he wanted to defeat Insomnia, it would only be possible if the Elder was distracted long enough for him to pull his blunderbuss and shoot it.
“Fine. You’ve got my hands tied. I’ll speak. What do you want to know?”
“Simple,” the voice spoke into Remus’ mind sending chills down his spine, “we are beings beyond your comprehension, but even our infinite wisdom cannot fathom the stupidity of your actions. An explanation is demanded, Jester.”
Remus stared into Insomnia. Their stare was calculated and calm, but something seemed off.
“You are the source of the Sleeping Plague, correct?”
“Yes. We are the purveyors of the dream.”
“Then you’ve seen how your actions have changed the world. Our lives have crumbled and our entire species is at the brink of ruin. Corrus has almost run out, and without it none of us will be able to resist sleep. It’s funny isn’t it that this substance left behind by your cult, is the only thing keeping us alive today. But the fact of the matter is, if I don’t end this now… there will be no humanity to return to. Not one worth saving at least.”
“You speak with great conviction in spite of your ignorance, Jester. We are beings that are absolute, yet you choose to doubt the wisdom of beings infinitely your greater. We behave with purpose, as we always have and always will. We are eternal and our judgement absolute. We seek not to end your kind but to uplift.”
“Don’t give me that!” Remus interrupted Insomnia. “You’re just self interested and want to benefit yourself by prey—“ Remus choked and fell to his knees as he felt a great weight begin to bear down on his heart. He felt as if his innards would be crushed at any moment. It was like a vice grip crushing his being and essence.
“It will do you well not to speak out of turn, We shall not warn you again. You are in our court and will obediently entertain us, but alas your fleeting existence is of no consequence to us. Now tell us why you doubt our infinite wisdom.”
The grip relaxed and life rushed back into Remus. He cast an eye upwards to Insomnia, who gazed back unflinchingly. Remus pushed himself back onto his feet and stood to face Insomnia once again.
“You were once a scholar, Jester. Speak.”
“Before I begin, I would like for you to explain what you mean by uplifting my kind.” Remus said after a pause.
“As Elders we have held vigil over the entire span of organic life. We have witnessed the rise and fall of species but a very few capture our interest. Your kind is the first in many cycles to have accomplished such a feat. Humans have demonstrated the desire to seek the truth against all odds a trait which distinguishes your kind from the banality of other species. Thus, as benevolent beings we choose to grant this truth to you,” remarked Insomnia.
“And why must we be inflicted with the Sleeping Plague for this?”
“As individuals your kind is weak, and your minds too rigid. You cannot handle the truth. The Sleeping Plague introduces individuals to the infinity that awaits beyond. Mere human minds cannot comprehend this realm and the psyche breaks down. The mind grasps to make sense of the world but fails to do so, showing only a portrait of your character. As your kind calls them, desires.”
“And what did I desire?”
“Heroism.”
Remus’ cheeks flushed. He knew deep within that this was his desire. He wanted the world to be restored and to retire as a hero. Through the course of his journey he felt as if he were pursuing some nobler ideal. With every trial overcome he felt more certain that he would bring humanity to salvation. But as the story reached its climax, Remus grew restless and eager to see a restored world so that he could indulge in the revelries with Weiss. When thoughts like these occurred to him, Remus felt selfish and would scold himself. Even though he may save the world, he wanted to do so not as a vain egomaniacal man but as the heroes of lore. A paragon of virtue unyielding to the baser facets of human nature. Alas, the heart cannot be denied, and he could only suppress his desires but never extinguish them.
Remus felt defeated by Insomnia, by realizing this truth and his composure broke again. Insomnia stared back, unblinking. Reaching up with his hand Remus scratched the top of his head as if lost in thought. He wondered about the current exchange, and he couldn’t deny that humans sought the truth. In fact, asking about his own motivations further demonstrated this point. But something didn’t sit right with him, something he couldn’t quite grasp.
“Our patience is growing thin, Jester. Tell us if you see your folly.”
Remus knew he was on the cusp of something but couldn’t quite figure it out. In the meantime, he decided to continue the conversation, “Apologies, I was lost in thought,” he said before continuing.
“The problem here is that you are removing our agency. As humans, we ought to be the ones to decide on our own fate. You may be infinite beings much our wiser, but you do not experience the world as humans do. Our imperfections and insignificance inform our world view and make our existence worthwhile. Who is to say that once we have ascended we will find fulfillment in our lives? After all, our flawed nature is fundamental to being human, and without it we will cease to be,” Remus explained to Insomnia.
He had no idea what he had just said. This was one of the tactics he honed from his days as a scholar. He would begin to talk and see where it would lead him, and usually by the end of his monologue he would feel as if he made a compelling point, and right now he felt as if he did. Remus couldn’t help but smirk as he felt that familiar feeling of putting his opponent on the backfoot.
“And you speak on behalf of your brethren?”
Remus’ smirk vanished as he hesitated to gather his thoughts.
“There are many who have succumbed to this Dream. They demonstrate no regrets once they leave. Only the wish to return to this bliss, something that cannot be attained in the Waking world. Humans see their desires manifest in this realm and not their fears, simply because the weakened human mind is comforted by the collective subconscious. It is no small compliment from a being as our self to title your species as kind at heart.”
For the first time in their conversation, Insomnia’s voice showed some inflection. Admiration even.
“Humanity as a whole yearns for the Dream. They wish to wake into it. And we will grant this wish. The plague is necessary to weaken the individual, so that a cohesive entity may arise from the fused mind. Only then will you have a chance however insignificant to fathom the infinity that is us.“
“Then this ascension isn’t even guaranteed?”
“Yes. If your kind fails to comprehend infinity, you will never fully realize the Dream. Even yet, your existence will continue in the dream, a land formed by your desires. It would be a pitiful if your species were to fail. Since our own ascension, we have never witnessed such promise.”
Remus sat down, sending ripples of water out. He looked at the patch on his arm, hoping that Weiss could inspire him once more. He had almost figured it out earlier, the truth was just within his grasp. His mind began to work through the discussion they had just had. Connecting the dots and trying to conceive of the fatal flaw in Insomnia’s plan.
He sat there in thought for hours and Insomnia stared at his form without pause. Time was meaningless to a being of such caliber. It betrayed no emotion and no reaction. It’s golden eye simply observed. Supposedly every human lost to the Plague had fallen prey to their desires in the dream. Yet he had been able to resist his desire with the help of Weiss. A feat that no other human can boast.
“Tell me, why did I see heroism and not the truth?” Remus spoke without thought.
There was no response.
Remus opened his eyes and looked up with surprise. Insomnia was still staring at him seeming unfazed.
“If humanity wants the truth, why is it that I saw heroism?”
The voice creaked back into Remus’ mind with the familiar admiration, “You are impressive, Jester.”
Remus felt a rush of joy and then confusion. He had said something significant no doubt—but he wasn’t sure what. He thought for a second and decided he would let his mouth run.
“Heroism is what I seek. It’s the truth. More than saving the world I want to be a hero. I want the world to know that it was Remus who delivered them from these dark and treacherous times. I want Weiss to be reunited with his family and I want civilization to celebrate me. That is the truth. My desires are the truth. This plane is a window into my character, thus my desires will manifest. And I desire a choice.”
“Your assumptions have a fatal flaw. An individual cannot comprehend infinity and thus you have no choice here. However,” Insomnia’s eye narrowed, “We will allow all those who have entered the Dream to make their own choice. They may either leave the Dream or wake into it as a collective being beyond their mortal coils.”
Remus sighed as he stood up. Now he just had to have faith in the rest of humanity. Funny how all heroes must have faith that the people they save are worth saving after all Remus thought. All that was left was for everyone else to realize that sacrifice of their identity to live in this perfect world was not worth it. For an existence without the self would be tantamount to suicide.
Remus blinked and before him he could see millions of humans gathered around him, all of them victims of the Plague. Looking around he saw familiar faces but countless new ones. The numbers were vast and it was time to make their decision. Insomnia appeared from the water again, except this time there were multiples of Insomnia, looking in every direction, almost as if it didn’t want a single detail to escape.
One by one the humans gathered began to vanish from existence as they made their decisions. Certain people he recognized, namely his fellow scholars turned into a mist instead becoming a part of this plane. As time passed, Remus grew increasingly confident and relieved. A staggering majority had chosen to return to their world.
“This was an unexpected outcome.” Insomnia said as the last human blinked out of existence leaving Remus alone.
“No. It wasn’t.” Remus taunted, even though he was equally shocked. “When you leave the choice to the individual they have their own priorities. They will choose what is best for them. And the majority clearly saw that their persisting existence as the most important thing. Not some vague aggregate desire of wanting to know the truth. Your mistake was to assume that our individuality wasn’t strong enough.”
“You are quire impressive, Jester.” Insomnia said, “We never would have suspected that our infinity would fail.”
“You aren’t infinite. If you were you would be able to account for the infinitesimal ‘I’.”
A chuckle echoed in Remus’ mind. “Borrowing wisdom from a fledgling as yourself. You have done well to keep us entertained, Jester. You are relieved.”
Remus looked at Insomnia one last time, and a smile spread across his face. It seemed that the Elder was indeed a benevolent being.
“Farewell.”
Many drinks were had at the ensuing celebrations. The world was at once shocked and relieved that this dark chapter came to an end. The hero Remus and his companion Weiss were household names in a matter of days. Songs were written and plays were prepared and performed in a matter of days. The tale of how when all hope seemed lost the heroes came and returned the world to its grandeur.
Both Remus and Weiss had been invited to grand galas hosted by the many Kings of the good earth. And both indulged themselves for weeks before setting out to Weiss’ family farm. The two were exhausted from the revelries and were looking for the tranquility offered by a small farm away from civilization. They chose to travel on foot and avoid the roads best they could. Their names and faces were recognized across the land, but even heroes need a break from adulation.
The duo had worked together to set camp at the top of the hill. It was nighttime and a gentle breeze caused the grass to wave like gentle ocean tides. The sky above was freckled with stars that shone with such brilliance that the two found themselves staring up at the sky as they lay on the grass.
“This is where we first met, huh?” Weiss quipped up as the two lay there stargazing.
“It was. I remember you trying to steal my Corrus. I’m glad the world was in disarray or people would chastise me for minor abuse.”
“That’s where you’re wrong.” Weiss shot back with a smile and cool confidence.
“Why? Were you already fifteen?”
“Nope. I’m a farmer.”
Remus punched Weiss in the arm as the two shared a laugh. Remus thought to himself that his faith in humanity was well placed. The world was back to how it ought to be and he was living the life he had always wanted, and moments like these with Weiss were perfection and what he had always desired from life.
“What’s that?” Remus asked his nose was assaulted by the strong smell of something burning.
“Oh crap!” Weiss jumped onto his feet, “I left the skewers on for too long! Shoot, they’re going to burn up at this rate!” Weiss dashed to the campfire and attempted to salvage the skewers but in his hurry dropped them into the fire. Weiss body froze as he was prepared for Remus to scold him, but he was greeted by a deep laughter instead.
“Forget about the skewers, Weiss,” Remus managed between his laughter. “Come here and tell me that story one more time. That one about that hero who travelled for many years across the world to return to his home. The one where he refused to yield to many temptations along the way and was known for his cunning,” Remus smiled and patted the ground next to him, “come sit here on the grass next to me.”
“Still haven’t had enough of the hero stories, huh?” Weiss laughed as he sat down next to Remus. “Well, it’s a great story and all, but I don’t want to bore you with an uninteresting protagonist. So, let’s start when he meets his charming companion.”
Fin
